How do ye turn a pirate furious?
Take the ‘p’. out of him.
Bligh.
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How do ye turn a pirate furious?
Take the ‘p’. out of him.
Bligh.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
You may think it's the RRRRR, but it's the C that they're in love with! Aye.
Bligh.
How pirates started using Arrh.
"The cannons be loaded, Capt'n"
"Are"
"We be ready, Cap'n"
"ARE!"
Two naval officers were on shore leave in Malaya. They found a river leading into a beautiful bay and decided to go swimming. They asked a local fisherman. "Are there any sharks in the bay today?" "No sharks.", he replied, so they went and enjoyed their swims.
Afterwards they found the fisherman again, thanked him and asked, "Are there ever sharks in the bay?". "No, never.", he replied,"Too many crocodiles!".
Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Right where ye left him.
Rob.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?…
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
Rob.
How long does it take the average person to learn to sail?
The average person never learns to sail!
Bligh.
An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.
"What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?
The old captain replied, "Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!"
Rob.
"Well," snarled the tough old Boatswain to the bewildered Seaman.
"I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy,
you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, bosun!" the Seaman replied.
"Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
Rob.
Q: What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?
A: It gets wet.
Remember-the two most dangerous things in the navy are a Purser with a quill pen and paper, and a Midshipman with an idea.
Bligh.
Q: What happens when you throw a red rock in the Black Sea?
A: It sinks to the bottom.
Q: Where does seaweed look for a job?
A: In the ‘Kelp-wanted’ ads.
Why did the admiral decide against buying a new hat?
He was afraid of cap sizing.
Rob.
"What's your Halloween costume this year?"
"The most-terrifying thing in the universe -- a Midshipman with a map and compass."
My Midshipman went on a sailing course in Poole.
In Dorset?
Yes, I'd recommend it to anyone.
Bligh.
There once was a pirate named Bates,
Who danced the Fandango on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nut less,
And practically useless on dates!
Bligh.
Q: Why do pirates need lots of shampoo and conditioner?
A: Because they have coarse hair.
I saw a Boatswain's mate managing to juggle twenty rowing implements.
It was oar inspiring.
Bligh.
Q: Why don’t oysters give to charity?
A: Because they’re shellfish.
Big sale on rowing paddles at my local ship's chandlers.
It’s quite an oar deal.
Rob.
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: F sh
I’m not one for buoyancy, but whatever floats your boat…
Rob.
What keeps the sea from flooding a dry dock?
Pier pressure.
Rob.
How do you cure constipation in a sailor?
"SHARK!"
A treasure ship on its way back to port.
About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate ship, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze!
"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate. "First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me my red shirt."
The first mate did so. Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled without casualties.
A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two pirate sloops! "Captain, captain, what should we do?" "First mate, bring me my red shirt!" The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration.
The first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red shirt. "It's simple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does not show, and the crew continues to fight without fear."
A week passed by, and as they were nearing their home port, when suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the enemy's Fleet were approaching!
"Captain, captain, we're in terrible trouble, what do we do?" The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker.
Pale with fear, the captain commanded, "First mate.... bring me my brown breeches!"
Bligh.
My Jolly boat crew are really too talkative.
They are always sticking their oar in.
Bligh.
Why are fast Frigates like popular furniture stores?
Because they always seem to have gigantic sails on.
Rob.
“I saw a chap with a big bushy beard earlier.”
“Was it a naval beard?”
“No, it was on his chin like everyone else”.
Bligh.
Which sailors blow their noses most often?
The Anchor Chiefs.
Bligh.
A sailor eating alphabet soup found the seven Cs.
Bligh.
Starting to run out of jokes now. Anyone else like to chip in with a few nautical wimseys?
Just bought a really expensive barge pole.
Thought I'd really push the boat out.
Rob.
I can’t think of any more boat puns.
Canoe?
Rob.
Thanks Dave.
Baled me out again.:happy:
Rob.